Starmer
digs himself into a hole in Tirana while Tories froth about a flag
John Crace
Keir was
supposed to be here for a deal on an asylum returns hub but his towering host
had a surprise in store
Thu 15 May
2025 17.51 BST
https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2025/may/15/keir-starmer-tirana-tories-flag
During
Wednesday’s prime minister’s questions, Keir Starmer said the Conservative
party was heading for brain-dead oblivion. The very next day, the Tories
screamed: “Hold my beer. You ain’t seen nothing yet.” They seem to look on the
prime minister’s description as a challenge. One to which they are determined
to rise.
Forget
Ukraine and Gaza. Forget the growth and immigration figures. Come Thursday
morning, the most pressing question on the minds of the shadow paymaster
general, Richard Holden, and other Conservative MPs was their outrage that
Downing Street would not be flying the Middlesex flag on Friday to mark
Middlesex Day.
Never mind
that Middlesex barely exists any more. Never mind that almost no one but a few
supporters of Middlesex county cricket club could even recognise the Middlesex
flag. Never mind that only about two people can even see the Downing Street
flagpole, let alone care what flag it is flying. This was a major snub to the
Middlesex regiment and its part in the Battle of Albuera during the peninsula
war. A date that was on everyone’s mind. Clearly.
“Keir
Starmer would rather hoist the white flag of surrender,” thundered the
increasingly unhinged Holden. Not a day goes by when he does not thank his
stars for the defeat of Napoleon. Yet another foreigner trying to subjugate the
plucky Brits. Just like the EU. Give me strength. This was a stunt so ludicrous
it was beneath even Reform. The Tories sometimes wonder why they are no longer
taken seriously by most of the country. They need wonder no more.
While the
Conservatives were having their very public psychiatric breakdown, Starmer was
otherwise engaged on the latest round of his “island of strangers” immigration
tour. If it’s Thursday, it must be Tirana, where he was off to meet the 6ft 7in
Albanian prime minister, Edi Rama, for a bilateral meeting and a press
conference. The difference in height between the two men was marked. Keir
looked as if he was standing in a hole and was struggling to see over the
lectern.
This was the
first time a UK prime minister had visited Albania and Rama was keen to express
his gratitude. It was an honour, he said, and he was looking forward to ever
closer ties between the two countries. Though maybe not quite as close as Keir
would have liked, because Edi was keen to point out that Albania was not open
to being used as a returns processing hub for other countries’ unwanted asylum
seekers and illegal immigrants.
The
relationship with Italy was a one-off, Rama said. One forged out of a special
relationship between the two countries. A geographical and emotional intensity.
He was too polite to mention that the deal had also stalled in the Italian
courts. No point in upsetting anyone. So his ties with Giorgia Meloni were like
a marriage. And he wasn’t looking for any one-night stands with the Brits. Or
anyone else, for that matter.
This seemed
to come as a bit of a surprise to Starmer. The simultaneous translation feed
faded in and out and he tapped his earpiece to make sure he had heard
correctly. Unfortunately for him, he had. Most members of the media had been
led to believe that one of the objectives of this first trip to Albania was to
secure the outlines of a deal for a returns hub. This was all part of the
government’s immigration express, after all. Now everything was rather more
confused. Surely the UK prime minister hadn’t come to Albania a day ahead of
the European Political Community summit just for a schmooze and to express
solidarity over Ukraine?
It rather
looked as though Keir had done just that. Sounding rather more keen about
returns hubs than he ever had in opposition – he’s desperate to offload
immigrants somewhere – Starmer went into waffle mode. He was talking to other
countries about returns hubs. Just not Albania. That had never been on his
list. Oh no. Though he couldn’t say exactly which countries he had in mind. But
fingers crossed and all that.
Rama looked
as if he was beginning to enjoy himself. This was all going a lot better than
expected. Now he turned up the heat. Yes, there had been a high point of 12,000
Albanians arriving illegally in the UK via small boats in 2022. But thanks to
cooperation between the two countries that figure had been cut by 95%. So there
were hardly any Albanians making the trip these days. So there was no problem.
Only, there was for Keir. He hadn’t come to Tirana to praise the efforts of the
previous government in cutting illegal migration. But that was rather what he
was forced to do. Though not in quite so many words. It had all been a lucky
coincidence.
The presser
ended with an Albanian journalist demanding an apology from the Brits for our
politicians’ negative portrayal of Albanians as all criminals. Edi came to the
rescue. It had only been some – viz Suella Braverman – he observed. And she and
the Tories had got their comeuppance at the ballot box last July. So no hard
feelings. Keir smiled gratefully.
Edi
continued. Surely now was the time to celebrate the 100,000 Albanians who had
legally settled in the UK and who paid their taxes and had integrated into
society. Keir smiled less gratefully. A successful immigration story was not on
the government’s news grid. He was in Albania to talk about Britain’s squalid
history of immigration in the last 14 years. The incalculable damage that
foreigners had done to the country. Having to be nice wasn’t part of the
script. He headed off to lunch. You win some, you lose some. Perhaps no one had
been watching.
Having a
rather better day was Rachel Reeves. It’s been one long run of bad news for the
chancellor since last July, but on Thursday she learned that growth had risen
unexpectedly by 0.7% in the first quarter of the year. So she was out and
about, telling anyone who would listen. Fastest-growing economy in the G7.
Everything was fine. Top of the world, Ma. One in the eye for the Tories and
Reform for talking the country down. Rachel should enjoy it while it lasts.
With the imposition of tariffs, the next quarter is unlikely to look so rosy.
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