.jpeg)
r/aiArt
In the Tory leadership battle, only the deranged
are welcome. Arise, Liz Truss
John Crace
The quest for Pure Conservatism is afoot, and the
former PM is not short of ideas. The problem is that they’re all really
terrible
Mon 2 Oct
2023 18.16 BST
When two
tribes go to war … Or three. Or four. The real action at this year’s Tory party
conference is all taking place on the fringes. Almost no one believes that
Rishi Sunak can win the next election and the leadership hopefuls are making
their pitch for the hollowed-out soul of the party. The main hall is a dead
zone. A theatre of charades where ministers on autopilot trot out a whole load
of cliches they don’t believe to a handful of dozing delegates who aren’t
listening. The speeches are delivered as if they were written by ChatGPT
channelling a below-average 12-year-old. That’s being kind in the case of Lucy
Frazer, Mark Harper and Claire Coutinho.
It’s like
gatecrashing a parallel universe. One where all the normal rules of politics
are broken. A party conference is normally where people and politicians come
together to share their worldview. Confirmation bias. Or, when times are tough,
to bunker down and reassure themselves that all is well with their world even
if the world is against them.
But here in
Manchester, almost all that most people – including Rishi Sunak – agree on is
that 13 years of Conservative government have brought the country to its knees.
When they catch up with the Tories who have done this to the UK, there will be
hell to pay. What they do know, however, is that the only thing that will save
us is more Conservatism. Logic isn’t their strong point. But we’re in the realm
of false consciousness. Where previous generations of Conservatives have
unknowingly been dangerous leftwingers all along. Now we are in a desperate
search – heading ever further right – for the holy grail. The one true
religion. Pure Conservatism.
Where the
tribes differ is on how to reach this nirvana. The promised land of Margaret
Thatcher seances. But let’s just focus on two. The People’s Front of Judea. And
the Judean People’s Front. Two virtually indistinguishable groups fighting over
the same ideology. Both convinced that Sunak is a danger both to the party and
the country. Both with largely identical beliefs. And both fundamentally
opposed to one another. Scrabbling for the bottom. In the forthcoming
leadership battle, there will be no prizes for the person who comes second on
the most rightwing scale. Nothing for the rational, or even the nearly sane.
Only the deranged are welcome.
So step
forward Liz Truss, the standard bearer for the PFJ. You might have thought that
the prime minister of 49 days would have chosen to stay away from Manchester.
Out of self-respect if nothing else. Or possibly fairness. Last year she had
managed to turn her only conference as leader into a total debacle, so she
could have stood back and let Rish! do the same with his. I mean, he’s more
than capable of screwing things up without any input from her.
They were
backing up round the corridors and out the front door of the Midland hotel for
Truss’s “Rally for Growth”. By far the longest queues of the day. If you need
somewhere to lie down, there’s plenty of spare seats in the main hall. A few of
those in line were simply catastrophe curious. Party members who wanted a
chance to eyeball one of life’s greatest failures. But the majority were there
because they were genuine believers. The political equivalent of the Japanese
soldier in 1974 who had no idea his country had surrendered. They had elected
Truss as their leader – Sunak was only a self-proclaimed pretender – and in
their eyes she had done nothing to cause them to lose faith.
To be fair
to Liz, she’s not short of ideas. The only problem is that they are all really
terrible ones. But nothing shakes her self-confidence. She is a woman with
absolutely zero self-awareness. No shame. And total amnesia. She didn’t look
that well as she started speaking. Pale and sweaty. Probably the closest she
ever gets to guilt. Letting her body do the work. The somatic reflex. But what
a story she had to tell. Because it turned out that what the country needed was
even more unfunded tax cuts. Crashing the economy had never happened. Or had
done so in a different time zone.
If Truss
had a fault it was that she had never been bold enough. She should have cut
taxes further and harder. Corporation tax should go down to 19%. Or even lower.
She still had no idea how to fund any of this. Then she would reduce energy
bills by fracking the entire country. Except in the bits where no one wanted
it. Which was everywhere. And somehow, out of all this, 500,000 new homes would
miraculously appear each year. Me neither. It was genuinely breathtaking. Yet
some Tories were taking it seriously. Barging past Nigel Farage – the Tories
will let in anyone these days – a fan asked Liz to sign a copy of the
mini-budget. That was the moment the conference jumped the shark.
Over to the
JPF. AKA the New Conservatives. Much the same as the old Conservatives with
Bill Cash, John Redwood and Iain Duncan Smith well to the fore. Their event to
launch a new manifesto in parallel with Sunak’s manifesto was also packed.
Conservatives genuinely hate the Conservatives. They too wanted unfunded tax
cuts, along with leaving the ECHR, stopping A-level failures from going to
university and being brave enough to kick immigrants who don’t look like you
out of town centres. Something for everyone who wants the UK to compete with
Russia and Belarus.
Still, the
PFJ and the JPF were at least peddling hope. Which is more than any minister
was doing. Jeremy Hunt was on and off stage in little more than 15 minutes. He
had that little to say. The poor man is hopelessly out of his depth. Just a
piece of governmental flotsam. Then no one was really listening. Everyone was
absorbing the news that Sunak was poised to ditch HS2. The economy is being run
by a halfwit. Or if Truss was in charge, a quarter-wit. Take your pick.
That just
left Robert Jenrick to steal the show. He reckoned all would be well if people
just had more babies. He sounded desperate for sex. At a push he would help
out. Honest Bob. The Great Impregnator. Stick with the winners.
.jpeg)
.jpeg)
Sem comentários:
Enviar um comentário